This is the only way I can think of explaining how I fear the future of my own state of mind. I love being high on caffeine- that adrenaline pumps me up and gets me going to push me further, getting me genuinely high on life. But lately I have no reason to drink coffee in the first place. Of course, I have to, otherwise I just plain feel sleepy. This is really no problem, it is just really frustrating to me that my relationship with it is so drastically different than it used to be.
As far as art goes, I have been trying to make art so that I don't just plain stop making art, but on the other hand I feel that I may just need a healthy break from it, of course assuming that this break doesn't lead to the stoppage of my art-making muscle. So I am now abstaining from making art, and will resume again sometime in the beginning of September. Already I have found myself thinking about art voluntarily rather than scared, and forcing myself to. And I have taken off work next Wednesday to see the Francis Bacon show at the Met before it closes. This might be magic.
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